Fan Hate Mail

Below my note here is a copy of my very first official fan hate mail. Getting such a visceral response means I’m really connecting up there. I usually always work clean especially Synagogue gigs. But this was not a house of worship, a hospital or more importantly a late night TV gig. More like a drunken road gig in a firehouse in New Jersey.
Here is the background: This was a booked show Sunday night at the Comedy Store in La Jolla California. Just after the open mic. I get there and the room is basically all X-rated material and that is all that is getting laughs. Perfect night to try my blue material since I rarely do the dirt.
As I drove to San Diego from Los Angeles I called a bunch of people I know in La Jolla. Most of them are South African modern Orthodox Jews. People that are normal and not OCD (Obsessive Compulsive) with their observance. Any who, I also invited two Ba’al Tushva American Jews. People who get into observance from a less observant background and a lot of times are super OCD about their observance. So guess who shows? The OCD Ba’al Tusheva American Jews. Good on them for supporting me. Actually, wrong for them to be there since it was part of the Omer (Jewish thang where you are to limit joyous occasions), so it really is their fault they had such a bad time.
I fixed the unsolicited fan hate email a bit like a big time Newspaper does when people misquote and also provided definition to the Jewish stuff for all you non-believers out there. My smarty pants stuff in [ ].

Hi David,

I'm trying to find the positive in Sunday night's very disgusting experience at the "Comedy Club"....the only thing I can come up with is that I was there in order to give you reprimand..give you a perspective that you may have become desensitized to. Here it is: being in a cesspool is a bad environmental choice.

Those standups communicated tasteless, boorish, idiotic, filthy sludge...from the deepest recesses of their emptiness. We stayed only because we hoped to be refreshed by a bright guy named David Rosner whom we'd met at Shul, had to our Shabat [Shabbat] table... But unfortunately that wan't[wasn’t] the case. We were just as disgusted by David's schtick as the others, felt abused by his routine and saddened torealize he'd sold out Derech Eretz [way of the land (Israel)] for a believed "audience appeal" and even worse, identified himself with the Jewish people while spatting filth. You could do a lot better...our people are known for great comediens [comedians] and even more so for great thinkers. So, David, when your act reflects your connection to Torah values, we'll welcome an invitation to your show. Until then, we're good for a Shabat [Shabbat] meal. Best. Keren [I deleted the last name to protect the innocent]

Ok it is me, Dave, again. So there you go. I rule. Fan hate mail. I am big.

The Rosner Plan for the Nukes in Iran and the Syrian Ruling Clan

Redeploy our forces in Iraq to the borders of Syria and Iran. This will most certainly decrease the amount of insurgents coming in to the increasingly stable Iraq and, more importantly, send a tangible strategic message to Syria and Iran. Here we are and we mean business.

On the home front, Democrats will whine and holler about WW III and the imperialistic Bush regime. The Right will applaud this move but not completely support it due to a fear of being seen as too hawkish in a pre-election year.

The reality is that our forces on the borders of Iran and Syria keep the majority of our servicemen currently in Iraq out of harms’ way and gives us an advantage in any talks with either Iran or Syria. From a military stand point, it is a superb opportunity to probe the border for intelligence and hopefully capture as many Iranians and Syrians as we have time to interrogate. It also signals to dissidents that they have another way out of their country. Furthermore, if proper CIA operations are put in place it gives a green light to reformists in both countries to ramp up their opposition to their current governments. Although this would seem to be more applicable to Iran it is still a possibility in Syria.